Age seemed to creep up on me, slowly, silently, as if with stealth.

At first, I didn’t notice the few extra pounds around the middle. The body that I had known for most of my adult years started changing,  yet it’s only the physical that I focussed on because that’s the one that stares at me in the mirror.

The crow’s feet at my eyes deepened as the year’s passed, and no amount of makeup could disguise it. My waist thickened, and I quietly bought the next size up. The first grey hairs I noticed peeping under my dark hair in my thirties have now boldly and unashamedly announced that they were here to stay. Thank goodness grey hair is the new black. At least I’m in vogue with my hair.

One day I woke up feeling as if ants were crawling over my skin. My skin was on fire! I was sweating as if I had been through a workout. My stomach felt bloated, and my energy levels sapped.

What happened to my sense of humour? Why am I crying over little things? At night I woke up feeling as if I had a raging fever. I hastily tried clutching the wall above the bed, trying to find something cold I could grasp; Anything to quell the heat inside me.

Menopause had come knocking at my door!

I poured over articles about menopause, visited the doctor, had conversations with other women going through the same thing, bought vitamins at a cost that could feed my entire family.

My partner annoys the heck out of me! 

He is either too loving or not loving enough! There is no in-between!

After yet another bout of tears, I gave myself the “you can do better” lecture. I can control my emotions! Control the unwarranted anger! Control the hysterical laughter!

Family members looked at me as if I had grown another head. They walked around me, scared I would snap their heads off if they said or did something that displeased me.

Years ago, people referred to menopause as a “change of life,” and I agree, it is an apt description.

Physically, there have been so many changes, not always in a good way, but mentally I have also changed.

It has been a few years into this menopause stage of my life, and things have changed for the better.

I no longer stress about events I can’t control!

I develop a tolerance for waiting in queues!

I tell people I love them more often because I understand that life is shorter than we realize.

The change of life I experienced since the onset of menopause, though horrible at first, has calmed my spirit. It’s allowed me to wake up being grateful for what I have. I meditate more! I pray more! I spend more time with family, and I think twice before allowing nasty words to flow from me.

There is no rush as I travel this journey because there is so much to discover, and I dont want to miss out on the beauty of life that lives amongst the ugly.

I have embraced mindfulness, but most importantly, I have understood that this was always inside me. I was just too busy rushing around tending to things that ultimately didn’t matter.

Change is good! I am changing to become a better version of myself.