So after divorce, when is the separation final? From the looks of it, it doesn’t seem like it will ever be final! The separation is not cut throat in the sense that you never see your ex-spouse again. While there is children the ties are never permanently severed.
I would have hoped to never see him or have something to do with him again, but it seems impossible. My children will always be emotionally tied to him, and as much as I don’t want him in my life, I have to accept that they would want him in their lives. I somehow feel I just can’t win. If I exclude him from my life, I will be labelled as selfish, as if doing something for me is the worst thing I could do. But as much as I would like to moan about the situation, it is what it is.
And once again, as per my previous articles, divorce is really messy. Of course when you get married, you never have any remote thought of ever getting divorced and that is why it gets messy. A lot of years, tears, sacrifice, time and energy are spent on a marriage, and when it ends, a lot of emotions will be felt, good and bad.
The current dilemma is that the ex is sick and he is not doing anything to help himself. The result is that the children are trying to convince him but he seems to be not interested in helping himself. My children always come to me for advice and naturally, they are doing the same in this instance. I am tempted to tell them to leave him as it is his decision, and on the other hand I want to encourage him to help him as I don’t want them to live with guilt should anything happen to him. I personally feel this is another attempt to control me as he knows I will do anything for the children.
But putting my personal feelings aside, when do you draw the line? Where do you draw the line? How do you move on without guilt? How do you assess if someone is manipulating a situation with children? How do you equip your children to deal with manipulation from the ex-spouse? How do you let them assess and move on guilt free? So many questions and I guess that’s why it is advised to involve a mediator when deciding on a divorce. Emotions seem to cloud our judgement and the assistance of a neutral person, greatly helps in the process of divorce.
As much as marriage is a constant learning process, so is divorce. You need to find courage you never had before. The most courageous decision was to divorce my spouse, but I realise on a daily basis, that I need to have courage daily for all the decisions I make. I need to have vision for the future. I need to have hope for a better future and I need to have faith that my decision was necessary and needed. One should never stay in a relationship or marriage if you are not happy and we should never feel guilty for choosing what made us happy.