A newborn baby’s health is judged on the first few breaths they take
If there is something wrong, health professionals know what to make.
Of the baby struggling to breathe and deprived of air
Because watching them gasp for breath is more than most can bear
My life is different when I struggle to breathe.
When taking a breath causes my chest to heave
And fight for air surrounding me to enter my lungs.
Knowing that without it, my life is strung
Up between pipes and oxygen tanks, humidifiers and more
With each small gasp seeming a step closer to the door
Of death, when I am not ready to go.
So I practice shallow breathing to encourage the flow.
Of oxygen to my body that I need to survive
My lungs, struggling, barely able to keep me alive.
I pray on my knees to God to rescue me.
From the pain inside that, no one can see
Unlike a broken arm
When people see the harm
They sympathise and wish you well.
But for people like me, it’s a silent hell.
“Just try,” I am told.
While the tightness in my chest makes me fold
My body because I can’t sit up straight
The pain at times is just too great.
“I am fine,” I whisper when someone asks.
Barely able to hear me through the mask.
I have to wear something that shields me from infections.
The pity in people’s eyes, reflections
Of what I sound like with every breath I take
Dying to live for my family’s sake
I look ok on the outside.
Though most of the time, I try to hide
So family and friends would not worry so much.
And rush
To my aid when I battle for air.
Deep down, I know they care.
But it’s frightening to be with my mind.
When all kinds
Of thoughts go through my head before I sleep.
Always praying to God my soul to keep
Safe until the morning comes,
Giving me another moment with loved ones.
Breathing should be involuntary.
But contrary
I can’t with lungs that aren’t great anymore
And, more often than not, sore.
I wish to wake up in good health soon.
Wishing for the moon
Seems much easier to do for now
Cause a battle with breath is how
I live grateful to be alive.
For the chance to thrive
And make a difference in peoples’ minds.
So everyone can be happy and kind.
With every breath, I take my strength back.
That soon, my life can get on track.
